Home.


Spring

I find myself in a place of change and transition. I feel anxious, and overwhelmed, and frightened of what direction I will go in next, and if that direction will be right. I realize when I find myself feeling this way, is often when I feel the most intense urge to travel.

Although travel is where I’ve found my soul, I realize that I have used it as a form of escapism to a certain degree. If things aren’t going how I want, I feel as though I’ve just run away from the things the things that are weighing me down. Left to go explore another beautiful part of this world, without much of a second glance behind me before I left.

I’m realizing it’s time to change that habit. I call Newport my home, and I have for years. In so many ways, I can ground myself in this little New England town, I just realize I forget to do them, too caught up in my every day schedule. Finding those private, almost tropical looking coves. Waking up on a foggy morning, listening to the foghorns and dinghy bells as the sun clears through the haze. Standing on a cliff watching the sunset alone in peace, feeling as though this sunset, in this moment, is just my little secret. To feel the spray of the ocean caress my face, and to smell the brine in the air.

It’s time I found a place to call home. I have found pieces of home within myself, but I realize home is always where my heart resides. For nearly four years, I’ve shuffled from house to house, my boxes of things growing increasingly smaller, simply because I knew I would be moving again. It’s time to create a space where I no longer have to shuffle around every six months, maybe not a forever home but a long time home.

When feelings of anxiety threaten to overwhelm, I know what to do to ground myself in that moment, but I continue to always think of what’s next. I may not like where I am now, emotionally, financially, professionally, but in these times I realize I must be present, and self-aware. This is a time for learning, and growing. This is a time to plant some roots, and to keep fighting the good fight.